Mujhe Gussa Kyon Aata Hai?

"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy." - Aristotle

Anger is one of those dangerous tools which, if used injudiciously, can cause serious damage. But indispensable nevertheless. People with all sorts of tempers exist - the 'short-circuited fuse ready to blow' types to the 'can i have some more irritant' ones. I would position myself somewhere around the centre, though leaning towards the right. However, my stance hasn't exactly been stationary over the years. Some years ago, I had the notion that the best option was to be the placid, imperturbable type. That was till I realised it came at a price: people sometimes tended to test your limits, going beyond what they ought to. Just because you were unflappable, they would do whatever you forbade them to, simply to see your reaction, and you would be forlorn with a resigned look on your face and a sigh pleading mercy. And thus began my resolve to not let others call the shots, atleast not always. Was it something to do with my ego? You might say so.

My present desire, therefore, is to find that perfect proportion of patience and anger. How long should I withstand it before 'blowing my top off', as they say? Is there a reasonable limit? Though there is no quantitative measure as the answer, there is a certain method to it. No, it does not involve taking deep breaths and counting from 1 to 10. That's for those on the extreme right of the spectrum. My approach is to issue a warning, bear it in silence, and then give yet another warning, all the while taking care not to give any encouraging signals such as a smile etc. More often than not, it does the trick, and when it fails .... KABOOM!!!

But there's an even more important aspect to this which I am yet to master. The art of cooling down. Since childhood, I've always found it difficult to let go of my temper immediately, be it with my teacher, my Mom or my brother with whom I had innumerable brawls. The result was an uncomfortable silence which was almost always broken by the other party. I could never bring myself to just snap out of my sulkiness and continue as if it never happened. And I am still working on reducing the 'turnoff time'.

And finally there's the part which I just suck at, in no uncertain terms: placating the angry. It's a much more involved process, and various people have different approaches to it. Some use plain reconciliatory tones and words, while others try to make the person laugh it off. I stay away. Shameful, but true. Never the one to know what to say, I seem to believe in letting the person cool down while I stay out of sight! Of course it works, but not without taking its own sweet time. And I know it's far from the best solution. Hope I get there before I'm too irate!

Queer, ain't it?

Thinking, is something very few people indulge in a lot. No, i don't mean the thinking you do before you buy a pair of jeans or before (or maybe after :P) you order a pizza. I'm referring to the practice of rumination, of contemplation. Most people would simply pass through places/situations without giving much serious thought to them, but not me. So what do I think about ? More often than not, it's to do with the most complex creation of God - man. Not in the generic sense, but as individuals. I try to understand the inner workings of their mind, their inclinations, the reasons why they chose to behave in a particular manner or do certain things. You might be getting glimpses of a wannabe psychologist, and you're not too far away.

This tendency of mine was reflected recently when I was watching a movie which i bet 90% of the people would pass off as a "gay cowboy movie". It's called Brokeback Mountain, and it's an Oscar winner this year. While I was in the process of watching it, about six people walked into my room, saw it for a few minutes, and left with some or the other remark which had a "Fuck, he's watching a gay movie!" tone to it. Yes i was, yes they did have sex - gay sex - but i wasn't looking at it with the coloured filters that the others seemed to. My focus was entirely on understanding why they fell for each other, what was it that drew them towards each other, and why was it that despite having wives, they still couldn't let go of their love. And I know that even this exercise must be making some readers squirm in their seats. However, you have to realise that understanding it becomes all the more difficult when one has a straight disposition!

There's a scene in the movie where they fight, and fight ferociously at that, causing one of them to even bleed profusely. But as soon as Jack sees his partner bleeding, he caresses him lovingly, maybe even knowing that he's going to get one back! I've seen physical fights transmuting into loving gambol before, but here, it just ends at the fight. But they still stay together.

The first instance of their making love is an almost spontaneous wild exhibit of carnal passion. And when it's over, it's fairly clear to the viewer that both are gay. However, both of them claim: "I ain't queer." People hide a lot of things, for various reasons, but it takes a lot of courage to own up to something that's considered taboo or morally wrong. It's not hard to understand why Ennis is so scared to admit or exhibit his gay disposition, but Jack's far more candid and accepts his sexuality. This was a bit surprising to me as I had the notion that in any gay relationship, one plays the "husband's" role, while the other is the usually more docile "wife". And while Jack's "beauty" (which we call "juiciness" in our lingo here) makes him the apparent wife, he, in contrast, turns out to be the one who actually keeps the relationship going. At a time when Ennis is comfortably settled with his wife and children, trying to lead a "straight" life, Jack finds him out, which shows that he (Jack) is unwilling to let go of his emotions, no matter how socially unacceptable they are.

I tried to find out more about the husband-wife equation I just talked about, but the searches have disappointed me till now. However, I did chance upon something which I shall mention here: The word 'gay' initially meant 'carefree', or 'happy'. It wasn't till the mid 1900s that it acquired its current meaning of "homosexual". What most people don't know is: "The word started to acquire sexual connotations in the late 17th century, being used with meaning 'addicted to pleasures and dissipations'. This was by extension from the primary meaning of 'carefree': implying 'uninhibited by moral constraints'. By the late nineteenth century the term "gay life" was a well-established euphemism for prostitution and other forms of extramarital sexual behaviour that were perceived as immoral." [Source:Wikipedia] Chew on that.